All my life, I was sheltered from “negative” emotions by my father: sadness, pain, grief, sorrow, cries. He wanted me to always be “happy”, smiling and upbeat. Now, at 31, I finally understand what he meant all along– the need to maintain a positive mindset and not let our past trauma or tragedies of life defeat us, break us and allow us to give up. Although I agree with his teachings and am grateful for them, I had to learn another important lesson the hard way: it is OKAY to be sad, cry and grieve when life happens.
Therefore, on this International Happiness Day, I want to shed light on a fundamental issue that all of us face, especially in the Social Media Era where there is a constant expectation to be a certain way, to showcase our “incredible” lives and to keep up with other incredible lives that we constantly inhale while scrolling. We are frequently expected to be “happy” and live a life full of wondrous joy, shared laughter, and cheerful occasions, and we are expected to hide the other side of the coin: the sad and the painful. In our attempt to be happy, though, we overlook the significance of hurt and sorrow in our experience of life; how, without misery, joy is also incomplete. If we are unable to face and process our trauma and grief, then life will pass us by, and we will fail to be immersed in the present moment. Being in the present moment is not limited to being present in the joyous moments.
Still, it expands to the idea that no matter what is happening around us, externally, we need to pass through it, like a body scan at the airport that passes through every corner of our being as we stand and wait. On this day of celebrating happiness, I also want to celebrate sadness, the Yin and Yang of emotions that make us human.
As I write this now, it’s only been three weeks since my cat died… my baby’s death. But despite having lost my cat, who was also the love of my life, I can attest to having incredible “happy” moments even during this excruciating period of grief. I’ve cried and bellowed for hours for her but also marveled at magnificent rock formations in Thailand. I’ve broken down in unbearable physical pain over her loss, but I’ve also risen in ecstasy with my friends and family. I’ve wished to wake up from this nightmarish reality but also pinched myself from disbelief of the dreamiest dreams I’m living. Both have been and are still happening in my life simultaneously and have given me the luxury to live eternally, entirely in the present moment. Delight and despair are the Yin and Yang of life. The two emotions that make each other whole. One without the other is incomplete, just as life without death is unfinished. It is also important to remember to celebrate pain and sorrow just as we celebrate happiness and joy.
I am not blind to the reality that in most parts of the world, the sadness and the yang of our lives outweigh the happiness, joy, and cheerfulness. Millions worldwide have only ever seen sorrow and pain. We must extend them a hand, a listening ear, and a shoulder to cry on and express their grief. It is also crucial that we actively make an effort to ease their ongoing despair. It is our duty, the ones who are fortunate enough to possess the luxury of playing a balancing act between glee and glumness, to expend into the universe our work that can help those who suffer in absolute sadness. It is our role as the privileged ones to not only face our sadness and heal but use our healing to alleviate their sadness, share our bliss, and spread love amongst them. We can help by trying to create moments of joy for them and being a support during difficult times, not walking away when the journey gets painful.
I want this day to be a reminder that happiness is not only shared through positivity and jubilation but also true happiness; true peace comes from facing all that life throws at us together and embracing the changing waves of life, no matter how overwhelming it might be. To come together not only for birthdays and weddings but show our most profound participation at funerals and death anniversaries. To not celebrate happiness as a one-sided coin but with its entirety, its unbreakable bond with sadness. I promise to share the unchallenging, triumphant, and beautiful but also the difficult, defeated, and ugly.
