WRITTEN BY NASHEYA PERACHA
As I sat there in a small, closed room a week into our dreadful quarantine, I remember feeling helpless, useless and frustrated with the claustrophobic situation. Being imprisoned in a hotel for another week and being unable to bask in the sunlight, breathe fresh air and just be free felt horrible. When I looked up from my bed, i felt this surge of gratitude for my partner and a sudden pull to start writing. That was the moment I started writing poetry. And thus, began my poetry journey. Although Covid-19 caused havoc, destruction, loss and grief in our lives, it also brought an opportunity for many of us to self-reflect, focus on our mental health and begin inner work. It created a domino effect where, as many people started to spend more time on their own, they were forced to slow down and go deep within and connect with their passions. Since that day, I have not stopped living my passion and writing poetry. After writing a few poems that allowed me to share my rawest emotions and expose my vulnerability, I decided to self-publish a short poetry collection. I realised that when i sat down with my feelings, especially after that tumultuous time, I was able to pen my emotions and thoughts in the form of poetry. It became a form of therapy for me where those feelings and ideas didn’t have a hold over me once I wrote them down. I felt at peace. I knew in my heart that it had become my purpose to get these unfiltered thoughts and feelings out into the world in the hopes that they would be able to help people, either by inspiring them to start writing or, more importantly, to make them feel that they are not alone. I desired to get my work out so that others could feel connected to me and I could relate to them. Through this connection, we can spread love, empathy and support.
INDEED, IT WASN'T A SMOOTH JOURNEY.
Early on, I had found a self-publishing company. I prepared everything and bought my book cover illustration from a very talented artist. But after paying the company, once the copies were ready, I realised their publishing was not on par with the high publishing standards I had expected. I had to put my dream on hold and find a new company. That hurt. I had put so much heart into it, and i felt increasingly impatient to get my work out there. I felt that all my effort went to waste and that perhaps my work wasn’t meant to be published.
However, on further reflection, that was the best thing that could have happened for my book. Initially, I felt very demotivated and stopped writing as frequently, but as time went on, i saw myself pick up this soul-searching habit again. Slowly, I started adding to my poetry collection and noticed that my work had gotten more beautiful, rawer, and more vulnerable with time. Finally, at the beginning of 2023, I decided to revisit my desire to self-publish. I had written around twenty poems by that time and felt in my core that it was time. Luckily, my friend gifted me some incredibly gorgeous illustrations to complement my work. It was as if my poetry had found its visual partner. Even though she drew them years before we met, they fit perfectly with my work. There was no greater sign than that!
Soon, after more research and faith, I found a new company with an affordable publishing price. I began the work immediately. My friend and I had a few meetings over two months to select and fit the perfect illustration with the perfect poem and create synchronised work. I was thrilled. However, yet another obstacle awaited.
Since I was in a different country to the publishing house, it sometimes took days of anxiety and stress before I could get in touch with them regarding the drafts, edits and execution. It caused a lot of uneasiness in me. Sometimes, we couldn’t connect for weeks on end and other times, I’d be worried this second attempt at publishing would be another failure. But I kept my faith and kept going, sending drafts and redrafts and communicating all the most minor and major edits. Due to the delayed communication, time difference and several public holidays in between, it took over two months! I remember I was in Malaysia during the last leg, and i felt so disheartened. I felt so restless about the lack of control i had when there were delayed responses from them. Eventually, I let go of this restlessness. Positive affirmations from my partner helped. In the end, it was all worth it.
In August 2023, my book was launched officially, and I am proud to have my work, mushy monsters, available on amazon across the globe. More importantly, I am grateful and proud to have my work self-published to share with my friends, family and all those whom my words can help. All my words are precious and very personal to me, but the two poems closest to my heart are bam and I see myself in you. The former exposes my most vulnerable self, threatened by my dark voices that have felt tremendous hurt from betrayal. The latter focuses on embracing our loved ones entirely and realising we all see parts of ourselves in each other, which strengthens our bond.
May my poems be successful in inspiring people and also ensuring them that they are not alone. That they always deserve love, especially self-love.
The journey is what matters most! I think art and the creation of it marks our human experience, gives it a voice…that can be read in infinite number of ways, each person receiving it differently. Congratulations on the beginning of your journey.
This is beautifully written. I walked through this journey with you as I read this…again. And so incredibly proud of your honesty, authenticity and vulnerability. That’s what really connects everyone to your words, and through them to you.